Mommies Paradise

Do you remember the first time your heart hurt?  Do you remember why?  The first time my emotional pain really took over my body was at eighteen.  I felt like someone had reached inside my body and tried to tear out my organs. There was a hole where before, I am sure, there was something. I wanted to break things, I wanted to scream. I cried and cried and cried. It was horrible. This was over a boy who was also a cheat and a liar, and my first peak into the dating future.Fast forward a bunch of years.

I know when my son’s heart broke for the first time.  He was three years old. His father moved away.  That baby cried and cried and later begged me to tell him why. Why.  He has worked through this with anger and rage and pain and tears. He is almost seven and he is still fighting to understand, but it is starting to scab and scar a little inside. Sometimes he says he doesn’t care if he ever sees his dad. It is a tragedy in a way. No one should have a broken heart so early.

It is my opinion that no baby should ever feel pain from a parent.  We are their strength.  We are the ones who should be there when their heart inevitably gets broken by a lover.  We are to be counted on when shit goes twisty, to make it all straight.  We are supposed to be the ones to impart the wisdom that people are like busses, etc.  We are NOT supposed to abandon and not look back.  We are not allowed to throw up our hands and move on to something easier or more interesting.  We are not supposed to be the first heartbreak.

Did you know that more American children are fatherless today than fifty years ago? (Go look, the data is out there) Recently I heard of a woman who dropped her one and three yo off at her mother-in-law’s house stating “I just can’t handle it anymore.” And she never looked back. What? WTF?  I am stumped. Children aren’t shoes. Or software. You don’t just get to return them or stop using them when it doesn’t suit you anymore. No really.

I know. Why not start a child exchange. Hey, if you get frustrated with this one - just take it back and get one that is more your speed. Or better yet, lets create a person exchange. You say you don’t like the terrible twos? Well, exchange him for an older more advanced model. Possibly an adult with a college education who lives on his own. Brilliant.Thinking of having kids? Great. Pretend you are buying a new house and put that same work into having children.  Go find someone who is REALLY honest and who has kids. Ask them all about it - from pregnancy on - and listen very carefully. Believe it all. Then decide if it will work for you.

Are you willing to be everything and anything to someone? Are you willing to take the responsibility for making a good future citizen? Are you willing to be the bad guy when it matters and seal it with an “I love you?” Are you willing to take responsibility when your child turns into a bully, a drug addict, or a victim? Can you put someone else first? Can you take the heat, the boredom, the monotony?  No?  Then get your parts snipped or your stuff tied.  But don’t, I repeat DON’T have kids.

Having kids will not fix your marriage or your relationship. No really, it won’t.  That man will not love you or stick around if you have his baby, by “accident” or not.  If you are a woman with a career, no, you will not be able to do-it-all with careful planning and a rigid schedule, and no your male partner will never pitch in as much as he says he will.  Your place of employment will never be as understanding as they say they are during the orientation.  And just so you know, be prepared for a truck-load of guilt which your male partner will most likely never understand or be able to fix.

Just sayin’.

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