There are moments as a parent that are small and seemingly insignificant and yet which probably shape who our children become. There are other moments that make all of the fatigue, frustration, anger and every other shitty feeling go away - for at least that moment. Sometimes these moments are one and the same.

That baby has a caretaker who, during the school year, comes in one day a week for a few hours to spend time with him while I get some stuff done. He calls her Pumpkin. He calls her partner ‘Nother Pumpkin. They are lesbians. They love him. He loves them.

That Baby: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
TB: Do Pumpkins hug?
Me: Yes, they do.
TB: Do they kiss them? (He is still grasping language)
Me: Each other?
TB: (Nods)
Me: Yes, they do. Did you see them kiss and hug today?
TB: Yes. Mommy, does Pumpkin love ‘Nother Pumpkin?
Me: Yes, she does.
TB: Oh. Can you play, mommy?

And that was it. Nothing more to add from either of us. And that will be how he views The Pumpkins. As two people who love each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

At that moment I realized that these are the small events that set the stage for how our children will view the world. These are the small moments when we choose to condemn or support, love or to hate. These are the moments when we communicate to our children who we are and what we believe. These are the moments that seem so small and yet really contribute in determining the path our children will walk.

The big lessons are important. Eat With Utensils. Don’t Dribble Your OJ. Yes, We Need to Wear Pants Today. Speak Using Words. Look At My Face When We Talk to Each Other. Clean Up After Yourself. These are basic, daily rules that make it easier to function in society.

But the lessons that pass in the blink of an eye are the tiny flecks of paint that build upon each other to create the mural of who our children grow up to Be.