Three things that bug the crap out of me. Magicians are just manipulators. Mimes are boring… say something already! I have only seen one mime that I found even remotely entertaining named Billy the Mime and he was in The Aristocrats. And clowns are scary in a “Hey, Uncle Boffo has been in the sherry again, don’t leave him alone with with kids,” kind of way. I mean why are clowns sad? They are clowns for Jesus sake! Ten of them can fit in a car!! Sheesh! I digress.

This guy is kind of like all three rolled into one painful excuse for entertainment. Back when he had his lame little specials on the TV whereby he strolled around some unsuspecting city and accosted innocent citizens with his easily deciphered trickery mesmerized the masses with his magic, I thought Hey, that isn’t magic — it is like fortune telling. He just finds people who WANT to believe he didn’t just wipe dirt on their sweaty hand while they were looking deeply into his eyes, and then tell them it was magic. But I figured, whatever. He too shall pass.

Then a couple of months later he was on the TV again. Doing the same shit! And I thought how does this guy get a show? He is doing the same stuff as before. Wearing the same damn outfit, no less! But this time he is in a NEW city. Woooo. Oh, wait. He “levitated” this time. BUT, he would only levitate for special suckers people. And only if they stood behind him.

Wha? Uh, okay. Are we supposed to be looking at your ass? And then he would “levitate.” Or, lift himself up on the tip of one of his feet, I’m not sure. And the camera never showed under his feet. Just a view of his ass. Fine, I figured. He is just a huckster and there have to be some of these people on the street that call him on this bull****. And they are the reason we have the editing room.

Then this clown showed up again. Thankfully, not to put cigarettes out on people’s hands anymore. However he was going to be sitting in a glass box that he would have to fold himself up to get into. And it may have been on the Eiffel tower? And the box hung over the side? I don’t know. I think there was some sort of loss of oxygen issue here. Not sure. He did wear the same black pants. No shirt this time. Maybe the shirt was in the cleaners? I don’t know. I never watched the show. I have the right to that choice, too.

Apparently, he survived the “Ooh, I’m in a box” stunt (see Mime) because he has a new special on the TV in a week or two.

He is going to hold his breath under water.
Can He Do It Ladies and Gentlemen?

Well, umm, has he been practicing? I mean, isn’t that his job? To practice surviving? I guess he sort of did that ‘hold his breath in a box’ thing a while back and didn’t die. He could probably do it this time too.

Now, watching a guy under water, holding his breath for nine minutes really does sound like riveting TV watching. For about maybe three minutes. However, does the show need to be two hours? I am thinking ten minutes, max. It would go something like this: 30 second intro, 9 minutes of underwater guy, some fish swim by, we go get a snack, he dies/survives!, 30 seconds of sobbing/congratulations! That seems about it to me. I didn’t even include a commercial.

But No. Two. Hours. Of this guy. Doing “magic.” Hey! And aren’t these stunts?

When Houdini escaped from the tank of water nobody saw how he did it. He just appeared, soaking wet, and so it seemed like Magic. If people watch you escape from the straight-jacket and then swim out of the tank it becomes a Stunt.

The weird thing is that a lot of people want to watch Blaine hold his breath. Or else he wouldn’t get TWO HOURS to talk about doing just that, peppered with some sleight of hand and “levitating” I’m sure.

I honestly can’t stop laughing every time I see the commercial for this show! And the laughing isn’t that good jovial, Wow! That was comic genius! kind of laugh either. It is that maniacal, Oh My God! Is this what we have come to? kind of laugh.