Children do amazing things to people. They immediately change your life when they enter it. They frighten and frustrate and sadden you all in one shot. They anger and shock you too. They force you to see yourself as you really are, as well as those around you. They can make you do and say things that you never imagined possible, good and bad. Children teach you things that you could never learn if you lived your whole life never having a child in your life. And they do all of this abolutely unwittingly - from the moment they are born and sometimes even sooner.

As frustrated and confused as I am as a parent, I am often overwhelmed by the love I have for That Baby. There are times when I feel like it consumes me and threatens to suffocate me. Other times I am lightly aware of it and it is always with me. Sort of like a phantom appendage that I was not born with but was born with That Baby.

I can not explain the thrill when I see that dawning in That Baby’s eyes when he understands something that I have been trying to teach him. He knows which truck is the blue truck. He puts the right blocks in the right holes, more times than not. It is so wonderful when he hugs me over, and over, and over…. It is so great when I lay down with him at night and he just drapes his whole body on top of mine and wedges his head under my chin so that I might strangle. Really, I feel complete then. Like I have the capacity to protect and love and comfort all in this one moment. Maybe I have done something right because he is learning and loving.

Maybe there is nothing funny about any of this unless by “funny” I mean strange and weird. Who knows. This is what it is like to be a parent. It is frustrating and sometimes painful but it is also rewarding and astonishing. It is the hardest thing a person can ever do.